Discovering the ‘True Self’: Moving Beyond Social Constructs of Identity
Your ego wants you to stand out, but you'll never find peace that way.
Myers-Briggs. The Enneagram. The Big Five. All these attempt to put labels on a personality. An ENFP means this. A 5 on the Enneagram means you respond this way and need these types to assist your spiritual life. Creatives tend to be more open to experience.
These personality tests are social constructions based on your life experiences. Yet they can’t fully describe you. They also can’t predict how you’ll behave in certain circumstances.
Recently I took a character assessment as part of a job application. You’re told to answer as quickly as possible so that you’re not shaping your answers around what you believe the employer wants to hear.
However, when you look at each situation, it can be rather ambiguous. When you’re asked how you agree with the statement “It’s ok to lie in small matters,” it’s really a matter of what’s considered “small” and what the lie is actually about. I can’t say that I’ve never lied, but I don’t think it’s ok.
And it’s really a matter of context. It’s one thing when you lie when a coworker asks you her opinion about her hair. It’s another when you clock 8 hours on your timesheet even though you were 20 minutes late. Each context is unique, and it hardly considers what happens when you’re under stress.
However, you’re seeing a lot of talk in both the mainstream media and pop psychology about “finding your identity.” It’s identity politics, and it’s essentially labeling yourself. We take our ethnic heritage, our education, our upbringing, and our geographical region and say that it somehow defines “who we are.” We might even search for our ancestors (not that there’s anything wrong with that) so we can somehow identify with a heritage that we never knew.
If that heritage is socially acceptable, we join clubs to help us belong and say, “This is my ‘true’ identity.” Yet we reject our heritage if it doesn’t fit with our social ideal of “who we are.”
One of my great-great grandfathers fought in the Civil War—on the Confederate side. Apparently, he was arrested—twice—and had to surrender his rank in the Confederate Army to avoid prison. Does that make me racist? Hardly, because his life experience and time frame are much different than mine.
I recently read the transcript of a podcast that talked about introductory biographies. How often do you see in media interviews a laundry list of where the person was educated (if it’s not an Ivy League school, they don’t mention it), where the person works (if they aren’t the CEO or the Director, we don’t care), and their current accomplishment (after all, they’re only there to promote their current book, podcast, or film)?
This teaches us that we must look up to certain people as if their words or actions have more merit than ours. Let’s face it, some of these people are only “experts” because that’s what they put on their LinkedIn profile.
None of this matters in the silence.
How we answer questions on a personality test, who our ancestors are, what we’ve accomplished—none of them can speak to who we are alone.
When you sit in silence, what happens?
How does your ENFP respond? Does a 3 on the Enneagram have more inner chatter than the 5s? Does the CEO of a major company have more credibility when he sits in silence? Is a Harvard graduate better informed as she sits by herself? How does a person’s ethnicity inform the silence?
None of this matters in the silence. While your ego might be the one who wants to chatter while you’re sitting alone, your soul is holding hands with God.
The outer world loves separation. Modern society thrives on identity. The first half of life is about “making your mark” and climbing the ladder of success. Then you arrive at midlife and realize that it really doesn’t matter.
Identity is meaningless in the spiritual life. It actually interferes with your inner peace. It also affects peace on a societal and world level. When you see someone as the other, you’re putting a barrier between you and God. You’re strengthening the ego.
The ego wants to take up all the room inside your spirit, and this makes little room for God. When your ego’s identity recognizes that its place and its value are only temporary, that allows God to take up more space inside you.
This allows you to sit in silence and allow God to stoke the fire. That fire still burns as you move about your day. You realize that those identities really limited you because God wants to work through you in ways no personality test or ethnic identity conceived.
Rather than find your identity or cling to a group that thrives on identity and belonging, abandon identity altogether. All are equal in the eyes of God. All belong in the eyes of God. Peace is already here once you drop your identity.