Beyond Bullies and Brand-Names: Finding True Value in God’s Approval
Chasing trends and other people’s expectations will rob you of your peace.
The other day an ad on YouTube popped up telling me that if I want to stay up on the trends, I CAN’T rely on Temu because it’s already trending by the time an article of clothing arrives there. Instead, I’m supposed to go to THIS website so I can be on top of the latest trends.
Talk about being always on the chase1. If you’re spending so much time chasing the latest trend, do you ever find rest? You’re always looking, searching. You don’t want to miss out. You want to be known as the trendsetter. The influencer. You want to stand out above the others. Smell a little pride and vainglory here?
Growing up, my family couldn’t afford the expensive jeans that were trending. At that time, it was Gloria Vanderbilt and Jordache jeans. The rich kids always showed off their variety of brand-name clothing. I felt so small that my family could only afford clothing from K-Mart.
If you’re spending so much time chasing the latest trend, do you ever find rest?
I remember distinctly a maroon-colored outfit from K-Mart. It looked so sharp. The jeans were maroon and the shirt was white with the matching maroon. One day I had taken the outfit out of my drawer so I could wear it to church. The shirt had ripped on the side. No, clothing from K-Mart wasn’t quite known for its quality. I was a little sad that I couldn’t wear this outfit anymore.
I’d also get hand-me-downs from my mom’s friend’s daughter, Annie. She had Jordache jeans, and I was so excited to have my first pair, even though they weren’t my own. One of the bullies knew that I got hand-me-downs from Annie.
For Christmas, my parents got me my first pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. I was so excited to wear them.
The bully wasn’t impressed, and to claim her power over me, she asked, “Are those from Annie?”
“No, these are mine.”
“You get most of your clothes from Annie, though.” What a bitch.
It didn’t matter who you were as a person back then. You had power and status if you wore expensive clothing. One girl hadn’t been very popular but came back that fall with a full wardrobe of trendy clothing. Instant popularity. She also turned into a bully and a bitch. She thumbed her nose at me.
Now you know why I now thumb my nose at these ads that prey upon people who believe you have to stay up on trends in order to get ahead. In truth, you don’t “get” anywhere. You remain stuck on a treadmill, chasing for a prize you’ll never acquire. Even if you do, it loses value very quickly and it winds up in a huge pile of other things that lack value. You continue complaining over what you don’t have rather than recognize that you’re continually chasing status. Satisfaction only comes for a brief moment of “the get,” but then someone else beats you to the next “get.”
Since I lost my job and status as a college professor, it’s definitely been an exercise in humility. I’m barely hanging onto the middle class.
But then again, this is familiar territory for me. I grew up with people whose parents were richer than mine. I can feel ashamed and defeated because all of my contemporaries are doing better financially, but now my eyes are fixed elsewhere. Rather than fix my eyes on the world and its ridiculous expectations of how people should look and live, my eyes are fixed on God.
God isn’t trending. God is always around us, ever fresh, ever new. God isn’t about holding one person above others. God is about a level playing field. Sure, God sometimes employs his servants to remind people that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
God loved me in my K-Mart outfit, even when I didn’t love myself. That’s because I was looking to the world for approval. But God always approves of us, no matter what we’re wearing or what street we live on. God claps His hands when we stand up for justice and equality. God loves it when we show compassion rather than cruelty for the poor and the outcast.
God doesn’t approve of bullies, but He also knows that deep down within each bully is a child who doesn’t feel loved. He has compassion for the bully, even if he shakes his head at the bully’s thoughts, words, and actions. I often wonder what happened to the various bullies of my childhood. No, I’m not in a place where I can feel compassion for whatever tormented them enough to bully me, but I can forgive them because their bullying made me stronger…eventually.
When I look at the world and see what it expects of me, it makes me feel small. People ask me, “Have you been APPLYING for jobs?” Yes, I have. More than 700 applications, in fact. Although their intentions are good, I can’t help but feel violated when they give me “advice” I don’t ask for. They don’t know what it’s like to walk in my shoes.
When I turn to God, I feel relieved and relaxed. I feel abundant. I feel loved and held and secure. I look at my immediate surroundings and know that I have enough. I don’t need anything else to make me happy. I don’t need to prove to the world anything. And I certainly don’t need Gloria Vanderbilt jeans to gain approval from the world. In fact, I don’t care to win other people’s approval. I don’t need to stay up on trends because they are so fickle and petty.
I have everything I need to equip me with the needs of this moment. What I don’t have, God will provide.
I leave you with a story from John Tauler, which is featured in St. Alphonsus Liguori’s Uniformity with God’s Will:
For years [Tauler] had prayed for God to send him someone who would teach him the real spiritual life. One day, at prayer, he heard a voice saying: “Go to such and such a church and you will have the answer to your prayers.” He went and at the door of the church, he found a beggar, barefooted and in rags. He greeted the mendicant saying: “Good day, my friend.”
“Thank you, sir, for your kind wishes, but I do not recall ever having had a ‘bad’ day.”
“Then God has certainly given you a very happy life.”
“That is very true, sir. I have never been unhappy. In saying this I am not making any rash statement either. This is the reason: When I have nothing to eat, I give thanks to God; when it rains or snows, I bless God’s providence; when someone insults me, drives me away, or otherwise mistreats me, I give glory to God. I said I’ve never had an unhappy day, and it’s the truth because I am accustomed to will unreservedly what God wills. Whatever happens to me, sweet or bitter, I gladly receive from his hands what is best for me. Hence my unvarying happiness.”
“Where did you find God?”
“I found him where I left creatures.”
“Who are you anyway?”
“I am a king.”
“And where is your kingdom?”
“In my soul, where everything is in good order; where the passions obey reason, and reason obeys God.”
“How have you come to such a state of perfection?”
“By silence. I practice silence towards men, while I cultivate the habit of speaking with God. Conversing with God is the way I found and maintain my peace of soul.”
1 I’m obsessed with Blaise Pascal’s Pensees, especially how he says how mankind “prefers the chase over the quarry.”